and Justice makes four

It's difficult to know where to begin. Our journey up to this point has been moment-to-moment of emotional meltdowns, anxiety induced nausea,  tears of gratitude, sighs of relief, prayers for peace, courage under fire, utter frustration, very little sleep, and total amazement at the power of prayer. When all is said and done though, we are overjoyed to say we are at home together as a family of FOUR, with sweet Justice Grant in our arms and forever in our hearts.

Candice was admitted to the hospital last Thursday morning. Within a couple hours both Zach and I were walking into her room to introduce ourselves for the first time. The encounter was pleasant- Candice immediately set us at ease with her smile and sense of humor. We felt instantly comfortable with her. However, we'd had such anxiety leading up to our meeting her, so much for Zach that he had neglected to eat anything before heading to the hospital. The combination of no food, nerves, and a strong discomfort in hospitals, led to the inevitable… Zach passed out and fell to the floor in Candice's room. It was scary for me to watch, concerning for Candice, but ultimately became a great ice breaker and something we all laughed about for the next few days. :-)

Candice had a small handful of family and friends visiting her on and off. Once we knew her labor would likely take at least a full day or more, we weren't sure what our role would be or how much she'd want us around. As it turned out, Candice was more than happy to have one or both of us at her side at all times. For the next three days either Zach or I kept constant vigil in her room, and a unique, beautiful relationship was formed. We tried to keep things as "routine" for P.J as possible during our visits to the hospital, so I tried to be home with her during most of the day while Zach stayed with Candice, and then we'd switch so that Zach could sleep at home with P.J and I slept on the couch in Candice's room for the 2 nights she was in labor. Zach had authentic, trusting interactions with Candice, her dad, her grandma, and her friends. He was able to, as I say, "put on his Pastor hat" and engage with Candice in a genuine way that earned her trust. He learned so much about her and her family by simply putting in time. I pray he gave her a solid, Christ-like example of what a man should be, an example so evidently missing in her own life. While Zach built trust and relationships with Candice and her crew, my approach was more subtle. I chose to remain a quiet presence. When all her friends and family had left at the end of the day, she had no one to sit by her through the night. I didn't think it was right to leave her all alone, so I camped out in her room and was there to help her in and out of the bathroom, refresh her apple juice, turn up the tv, and tape down her iv's. It was an odd bonding experience, we two mothers, having only known each other for a day or two, sharing a room and an intimacy that seemed so unnatural, yet I wouldn't have had it any other way.

In all of the hours we clocked with Candice leading up to her delivery, we came to discover that neither she, nor her situation were quite as bleak as we had been led to believe. Candice was very mature, level-headed, and bright. She showed a great deal of regard for the baby's life, and voiced very openly her reasons for choosing adoption (she was product of foster care and didn't want the baby to have the life that she did). She had received more prenatal care than we were originally told and she had medical insurance too. The birth father, Eric, was indeed still in the picture, though just as a close friend, not a boyfriend. He even showed up at the hospital a couple of times to visit Candice, a blindside for us, but in the end we were glad to say we at least met him. He wasn't the most pleasant of personalities but he seemed to show great affection for Candice. He works the graveyard shift at a local gas station, but other than that we didn't learn much about him. He seemed a bit suspicious and uncomfortable with us. The feeling, quite honestly, was mutual.

Throughout those nearly three days of waiting around for Candice to give birth, I had several emotional breakdowns. A person can only handle so much internal turmoil. I struggled with leaving P.J so often without being able to fully explain to her why I was so distracted and emotionally fragile.
I called Jen at our adoption agency (my rock for all things adoption related for the last 5 years), and voiced my fears for the entire situation. I was especially fearful of being in the delivery room like Candice had asked, if for no other reason than I didn't want that memory burned in my brain if the baby didn't end up in my arms. She validated that yes, we indeed had every reason to stay guarded and fearful given our history, but she truly believed Candice had given no inclination of faltering on her decision, and the fact that she welcomed Zach and I stay with her 24/7 proved it. Jen said, "You need to give yourself permission to be excited, to be happy! I know it's terrifying, but you have to let yourself go there." I knew she was right.

After over 55 hours of labor Candice had finally dilated enough to begin pushing. She had asked for both Zach and me to be in the room for the delivery, but we determined it would be in Zach's best interest for him to wait in the hall. :-) I stayed, however, and if you know me at all you'll know this was a VERY big deal for me. I am squeamish about all things pregnancy related, and there's nothing I hate more than hearing someone's labor & delivery story. Pregnancy, I've always been convinced, just isn't for me. After spending nearly 3 days with a woman in labor, I can firmly report that my opinion on the matter hasn't changed in the slightest. The Lord is amazing though, and I believe He flipped a switch in me that made it possible for me to remain by Candice's side through it all without ever feeling physically ill, not even in the slightest. I sat by her head and cheered her on through every contraction, absolutely amazed at the strength and courage this young woman had to put her body through such torture, knowing it would only end in joy for someone else. It was an amazingly terrifying two hours. When the baby finally arrived, my brave face disappeared and I fell apart. I held Candice's hand, stroked her hair and couldn't stop saying, "Thank you. Thank you." She squeezed my hand and assured me she knew this baby was going to a loving family. It was a brief but unforgettable moment that I will treasure in my heart for as long as I live.

While they were cleaning the baby up and getting all his stats, Candice said, "Anne, what's his name?" She had been asking Zach and I this for the last two days and we had tactfully side-stepped the question by saying we hadn't narrowed it down yet. I was afraid to tell her the name we'd chosen. What if she didn't like it? And what if I named him and then didn't go home with him? I had done that before and believed it made the loss so much worse. I didn't want to make that same mistake again. I quickly stepped out to the hall to confirm with Zach. We agreed to share our name for him thinking maybe that would help her to disconnect from him, if she considered him OUR son. So I went back in and said to her, "Justice Grant. What do you think of that?" She thought for a second and said, "I think that's perfect."

It had been discussed between Candice and us that she would hold the baby first, so once he was cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket, the nurse placed him on her chest. Her first words to him were, "Hi Justice! Welcome to the world." I knew right then and there, without a doubt, she was all in. Zach and I stood, watched, cried, and took a dozen pictures. We went with our gut in that moment and decided to step out and let Candice have time with the baby without us hovering over them. I wanted her to feel free to say whatever she wanted to him. By the time we returned about ten minutes later, she had already placed him back in the bassinet.

We awkwardly had to share a room with Candice for nearly 2 hours after Justice was born. They were preparing a room for us to be on our own with the baby but it wasn't ready yet. As uncomfortable as it was, I was glad we were there with her. Candice's friends and family had left within 20 minutes after the baby was born. She was all alone at the time when I believed she needed the most emotional support. Her womb was empty and so were her arms and no one was there to help her process that. I was devastated for her.  I offered to call someone for her so she wouldn't be on her own, but there was no one to call. Even through her exhaustion Candice was still talkative with us, saying what a heartbreaker Justice was going to be some day. We gave her permission to hold him again or give him his bottle, but she declined. Later she was taken to another room to recover. We told her that if she wanted to see the baby again before he was discharged that we'd be happy to comply. She never did. And we never saw her again.

The next 36 hours we were in the hospital with Justice. I stayed with him around the clock while Zach went back and forth to be with P.J. Even though I felt peace about Candice remaining firm in her decision, I was still ticking off the hours of the 72 hour window until I knew she could sign off her rights. I refrained from calling Justice by his name, or referring to myself as "Mommy," until we left the hospital. I was still loving on him and taking great care of him, but I was hesitant to consider him "mine." My role, as I saw it, was to love on and prayer over that little guy for as long as he was in my life, even if it was just for a few more hours. We kept his name a secret from everyone but the nurses until we got home with him Sunday night.

The next morning as I sat alone with Justice in our hospital room, Candice's dad, John, dropped in. He had been in and out during her two days in labor, and had left the hospital about an hour before Justice was born, never to return again that day. Zach had had a significant connection with him, and though my encounters with him were brief, they were very positive. John very shyly asked if it would be ok if he met the baby. I, of course, said he could. The next twenty minutes were beautiful. I asked, "Would you like to hold him?" He said, humbly, "Ya know I really would." Watching my Justice with his biological grandfather is burned in my memory. We talked about Candice and our shared hope of her getting another shot at motherhood. We talked about why Zach and I chose the name Justice and what it meant to us. John seemed to love it as much as we did. Mostly though, John just seemed grateful to us for giving his grandson a life that he deserved, and he was especially appreciative that I allowed him to hold him and get the closure he needed. I hadn't even thought twice about it.

We were told by a nurse that Eric, the birth father, had dropped by the hospital the night before, asking to see the baby. When told they would need to get permission from the adoptive parents first, Eric said he didn't have time for that and promptly left. He never returned. We would have let him see the baby if he had only taken the time. It will forever be his loss.

To explain my constant absence at home once Justice was born, Zach had been telling P.J that I was helping out another mommy at the hospital. He brought PJ to visit me the morning after Justice was born, and we introduce her to him saying that his mommy wasn't able to take care of him so we were helping out. P.J seemed satisfied with that and became utterly fascinated by the baby. She loved watching us change his diaper, give him a bath, swaddle his blanket, etc. She constantly commented on how cute and little he was. It was adorable. Later that day when the baby was being discharged, we told her that Justice's mommy had asked us to take him home with us and adopt him, just like we had adopted P.J We explained that his mommy wasn't able to take care of him the way she wanted to, just like Jacquelyn (P.J's birth mom). She seemed to understand this. We then asked, "What do you think? Should we bring Justice home to be part of our family?" P.J replied, VERY enthusiastically, "I think that's a great idea!" From that moment on she has been proudly announcing her big sister status and introducing "baby Justice" has "my baby" and "my little brother." Her enthusiasm and joy has yet to wear off, eight days later.

We were not too surprised to learn Candice had signed off her rights on Tuesday, when her 72 hour window was up. Her attorney had assured us she was committed and proud of the decision she was making. Unfortunately Eric has not signed yet. We are not at all concerned he will contest the adoption or ask to parent, but we aren't confident he will make it quick and easy for us either. We'll just have to wait it out. Regardless, Justice is no less ours. He is our son, one hundred percent.

I know there will never be enough words, enough time, enough ways to say 'thank you' to all of you who prayed us here. We were so incredibly humbled and blown away by the texts, calls, and messages we received over the last two weeks. We can assure you that your prayers were felt, heard, and appreciated. We believe strongly in the power of prayer. Our daughter, Providence, is living proof that God is faithful and His timing is perfect. We are overjoyed to now have two children we can share God's love with and tell them how much they were prayed for even before they were born, and that God rallied His people to pray both of them into our forever family. Providence and Justice, names that will serve as a constant reminder of God's presence and faithfulness in each of their stories.

Candice and Justice during their first and last moments together.

Several times this week P.J has asked me, "Is baby Justice staying with us forever and ever?" I love being able to confidently answer, "Yes. Forever and ever and ever."

A break in the clouds

After praying and petitioning the Lord for "just closure, PLEASE," we finally got some information today. We have been in the dark for a couple weeks now, watching Candice's due date come and go, not knowing if she had the baby and chose to parent, left the baby at the hospital, or if she was still pregnant. It's been a heavy weight on our hearts and it's caused both Zach and I to go in and out of heaviness and emotionally flat-lining. Today, a break in the clouds…

Today Candice finally picked up the phone and called our adoption agency, a very important step in the right direction. She also called her attorney and touched base, another big step. She is still planning on placing the baby for adoption and she is scheduled to be induced this Thursday at 7:30am. When asked if she wanted to meet us before Thursday, she declined, but she said she'd be fine with us being at the hospital. So our plan is to go meet her Thursday morning once she gets settled into her hospital room and gauge the situation. Since the hospital is less than 3 miles from our house, we'll be able to tag team throughout the day (assuming she will be in labor most of the day, since she isn't dilated at all yet) and work things out logistically with PJ's babysitter as things progress.

Candice's attorney will meet with her and have her sign consent forms giving Zach and I power of attorney for the baby so that we can make medical decisions for him, etc. Once the baby is 72 hours old, Candice's rights will be forfeited permanently. Her attorney will also be serving the birth father with consent forms, so we're praying he signs off without a problem (if not, he has 30 days to contest).
We've spoken with our attorney as well and put things in motion.

While things at this point look positive, we know all too well that there is still a lot of time for the situation to shift out of our favor. At this point we are praying for the baby's health more than anything else. Without any real prenatal care, we just don't know what his condition will be. We are also praying for continued courage and wisdom for Candice to act in the baby's best interest. Please continue to pray that she will be come to know the Lord through this life changing decision, and that her life will turn a positive corner when all is said and done. Pray also for our time with her on Thursday. Though we've done it many times before, meeting a birth mom is just plain ol' awkward and uncomfortable. There is no stranger and more complicated relationship than that between a birth mom and adoptive parents.

Regardless of the outcome, we are confident the Lord's will will prevail. And if nothing else, having Candice and her situation brought to our attention has caused an enormous army of prayer warriors to begin a Godly warfare on her behalf, and that is worth every minute of emotional topsy turvy that we've endured the last two weeks.

Praying for justice

Today I received a phone call from a family friend of Candice's. She felt compelled to talk with me and ask me to join her in prayer for both Candice and the baby. She hasn't been able to reach Candice or Candice's dad for over a week. She shared with me much more about Candice's situation and my heart went from heavy to heavier.

Candice dropped out of high school after the 9th grade, never got a driver's license (she takes a bus to work), has 2 nieces who are being bounced from home to home w/out a father or child support, a father who works 12 hour shifts and does nothing more than put a roof over her head (he has no interest in the baby or supporting Candice), and a step-mom who is already raising a 3yr. old for another family and is struggling to make ends meet. She has been unwilling to receive prenatal care, and only went in to the hospital 3 weeks ago at the insistence of this family friend who is a nurse. It was there she found out her due date, etc. The baby's heartbeat was strong and he had dropped, but she was not dilated at all. The nurse who examined her strongly encouraged her to see a doctor to ensure the baby's lungs were developing well (she's smokes, has low iron, and is obese), but Candice refused. Her friend shared that while Candice is 26, she has the mentality and attitude of a young teenager. She doesn't think Candice has any real value for her own life or the baby's.

At this point, our agency's hands are tied until they hear from Candice. Without a phone call from her, there is no way of knowing what's happening. Even if she waits until she goes into labor, she has to call our agency from the hospital and request the attorney in order for us to move forward with an adoption plan. If she doesn't do this, the baby will very likely go into CPS custody, even if Candice says she wants to parent (given her situation and decline of prenatal care, the hospital social worker will make the call in the best interest of the child). We are praying Candice has a strong enough state of mind to not let this happen since she knows there is a family in place that's able to give the baby a home.
It is incredibly frustrating to know all Candice has to do is pick up phone for us to have any clue what's going on, and it's the one thing she won't do, for whatever reason.

The entire situation is a sad mess, and my heart breaks for this little boy who is coming into the world so innocently and unknowing of what his life might be. It is situations like this that so strongly remind me why Zach and I have chosen adoption over having children of our own. Babies don't get to choose their family, they are at the whim of their birth parents and the choices they've made, right or wrong. I believe God brings beauty from the ashes, and I believe all the more that He is a God of justice, and somehow His will will come to fruition in this situation. Please continue to pray hard for Candice, her family, and this baby, that they will be compelled to make a loving, selfless, and wise decision for this child. Pray also for Candice to take notice of God's deep and wide love for her, that she will know she is valued and seen by her Creator, and that He wants His very best for her. Her life can be so much more than this, if she'll only open her heart to see Him.

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 31:18

Waiting it out

In the last couple weeks we've been made aware of a situation here in Tucson involving a 26-year-old birth mom, Candice, due on April 2nd. She was brought to our attention through a series of acquaintances and "friends of a friend," and our only course of action was to pass along our adoption agency's information to get her the help she needed. After a quiet week, we'd more or less forgotten about it, until our agency called last Monday. Candice had gotten in touch with them and completed all of her paperwork, and she requested to view only our profile book. After hearing everything about her situation, we agreed to be officially "matched"with her.

Here's what we know…
Candice is Caucasion, and Eric, the birth father, is Korean. Baby is a boy, due on Thursday of this week. This is her first child. She & Eric are no longer in a relationship, but he is aware of the pregnancy and supportive of the adoption plan. Eric is a registered sex offender. Candice works 30 hours a week in the fast food business and lives with her dad. Both of her parents are aware of her pregnancy and supportive of her adoption plan. Candice smoke 3-4 cigarettes a day, but otherwise no drug or alcohol use. She does not want an open adoption, but she did request that we be present for the delivery. She lives 25 miles from us and the hospital in which she'll deliver is 3 miles from our home. Since turning in her paperwork to our agency, she has not been communicating with them, however a family friend of hers has been talking to her and to our agency, and assures them that she knows adoption is her only choice, and that she has simply taken on a "don't care" attitude, and has never been good at returning phone calls or texts. So, it would seem, if this is to work out for US, it will very likely be a hospital call.  In the meantime we have all our pieces in place and are prepared to get up and go should the call come in.

We continue to be neither hopeful or optimistic at this point. We know all too well that nothing is with certainty until papers are signed and baby is at home with us, (which, in the state of Arizona, is 48 hours after birth). For the most part, we've been without any real emotion. We're guarded, protective of our hearts and of our family of three. We are taking one day at a time, accepting completely that we have zero control over the process or the outcome of this situation. So much of adoption is about trust and surrender. There's no other way to survive it really.

Every morning for the last few days as I've laid in bed, I've just been praying for Candice, Eric, and this baby boy. All three of them have been laid so heavily on my heart, to the point of me just feeling indescribably sad. The situation for this sweet little man, should his mom choose to parent, is far from healthy. I don't lay any claim to him myself, nor have I even prayed for him to become our son. I've just been praying, petitioning really, for Candice to be overwhelmed with God's love for her and for this child. From everything we know about her, I feel her self-worth and her value for her own life is not as it should be, and I want so much for her to understand how much she is loved by our Father. I've prayed and petitioned for Eric to find healing and redemption over his past transgressions, that the Lord will bring beauty from the ashes in his life. I've been praying that this little baby will draw everyone involved closer to Christ. I know God is good, and I know He works ALL things together for His good and perfect purpose. I am convinced that no matter where this little boy ends up, the Lord's will will prevail. And for the baby, I pray for health and safety, both during delivery and in his life. He belongs first to the Lord, and there is no one better to look after him.

We share this to ask for your prayers and petition too. Please join us in praying these things over Candice, Eric, the baby, and their families. Pray too for continued peace and surrender for Zach and myself as we wait it out. We are so blessed, yet again, by an amazing group of friends and family who we can trust to rally around us in prayer as we endeavor on this journey yet another time. Whenever we add another child to our family, we know we'll be able to say to them (just as we as say to P.J), they were prayed into our family by so many people that loved them before they were born.

(We have not made P.J aware of the situation in any way, and we are keeping it that way until things are finalized. She will not be coming with us to the hospital, should it get to that point. However, the possibility of a new sibling is in CONSTANT discussion in our home, and she fully understands that God may gift us with a baby at any time. We are confident that she is ready to take on the big sister roll, even if it happens overnight. We've been amazed at how little we've had to say to prepare her. It seems God has been molding and shaping her heart over these last few months. She has grown and matured into a sweet, kind, nurturing little girl, and we know she'll embrace sisterhood beautifully.)

P.J's birthday

This weekend we celebrated Providence's 3rd birthday. While each year is filled with fun celebrations and sharing of fond memories of when P.J first joined our family, I'm still flooded with thoughts of her birth mother, Jacquelyn, this time every year. As Zach and I fell into bed on Saturday night after a day full of celebrating P.J, I got hit with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Not for me, but for Jacquelyn. I thought about what this day means for her, what she may have been feeling or thinking all day, and my heart grieved for her. Every year on P.J's birthday I am struck with the profound conflict of what joy we gained by Jacquelyn's greatest sacrifice. I began to cry as I tried to imagine how painful and difficult a decision it was for her to entrust her beautiful baby girl to someone else, forever, with no take-backs. My heart ached for her as I thought of our daughter and the beautiful little girl she's growing up to be, and I was so very aware of all that Jacquelyn was missing. I tried to articulate my feelings to Zach, and as I fumbled through them, I ended up just saying, "Let's pray for Jacquelyn. Right now." So I took my heap of feelings and mixed up emotions to the Lord, and I prayed for the woman who carried my daughter and gave her life. I prayed specifically that she has found healing, mercy and abundant peace over her decision, and that she is free from the weight of guilt and shame. I prayed that in these last three years she's been able to move forward with her life and find great blessings and success in all she does. I prayed that somehow she'd found the courage to tell her own family about that baby she gave up for adoption, and that her confession was received with unconditional support and compassion. I'm often tempted to write Jacquelyn and just thank her for her brave and selfless choice, and to assure her that we not taking it for granted. But I know that any kind of communication or relationship between us needs to begin with her. I hope that someday she'll open the door, even just a crack, but if not, I hope she finds peace and closure anyway. We will continue to feel grateful and celebrate the sacrifice Jacquelyn made year after year. And even more importantly, we will continue to pray blessings over her life, because she is the reason our lives changed for the better.

Back in the game

We're back! We took a very long break from the blog, (and from the adoption process) due to some major life changes for our little family. It probably goes without saying, but the birth mom we wrote about in our last post, did not move forward with her decision to place her baby for adoption. After that we got a few other phone calls, but nothing felt like the right fit for us. Later in the spring Zach accepted a position at a church in Tucson, Arizona, and we moved our family to the Southwest on July 3rd. With the move taking over our life for a season, we put our adoption contract on hold while we transitioned to life in the desert. Now that we've been here over three months, we feel ready to get back in the game.

The process for pursuing adoption looks a bit different (and frankly, a LOT easier) here in Arizona. After spending several weeks updating our profile books to be sent to potential birth mom matches, we got in touch with a social worker to begin our new home study. (Unfortunately, even though we have a current, completed home study in California, it doesn't transfer to a new state, and we need to complete a new study before we can be matched with any more birth moms.) We were relieved to learn that our adoption agency knew a social worker in our area of Arizona that they had worked with before, and we were even more relieved to learn that the home study process here is far simpler, quicker, and less expensive than what we'd come to know in California. With an almost-three-year-old craving our constant attention this time around, we're so glad the home study process will be far less demanding.

Our application is complete, our fees are paid, and now we just need to schedule 2 visits with our social worker and complete a basic physical with our physicians. That's it! We should be done before Christmas and we'd like to have our agency begin sending our profile books out by New Years.

After such a long break from the process and so many major changes taking place in our lives the last few months, it feels very surreal to be back at it. As I was filling out the mountain of paperwork for our home study last weekend I was reminded how much this process demands of us both mentally and emotionally, and I began to feel fearful of opening ourselves up to it all over again. Will we have the energy and emotional stamina to endure it this time? We have a 3 year old that takes priority and we don't have the strong support system of long-term friends and immediate family nearby that we had during the last round. We're still getting our bearings here in Tucson, are we really ready to take on everything that this might entail? I was feeling so uncertain, until I heard P.J start talking about being a big sister. :-)

Over the last month whenever we've sat down to dinner as a family, P.J has talked about having a brother or sister. We hadn't talked to her about pursuing another adoption yet. The timeline for adoption is so unpredictable that we didn't want to broach the subject with her until we knew we were really back in the game. So for P.J to start talking about having a sibling out of the blue, baffled us a bit. In the last couple weeks she's talked in great detail about how much she's going to help with the baby and all the things she'll do with her little brother or sister. Without any encouragement from us she's developed such a beautiful little heart for her future sibling. We are so amazed to see how God is already shaping her and preparing her for the growth of our family.

It's like riding a bike

On January 13th we were matched with a new birth mom, Jennifer. Everything we've learned about her  so far is promising. There are no major concerns or "red flags." She is due with a baby girl on April 21st.

As soon as we agreed to move forward with her based on the information we were given, Zach and I looked at each other and said, "How do we do this again? It's been so long!" There were very few birth moms of the 7 we were matched with in our last process that we actually had a relationship with. Sometimes it's just easier to get a call last minute or to work with a mom who has no interest in us whatsoever. Open relationships are trickier, more fragile, and higher risk emotionally. We felt very rusty. When was the last time we'd actually spoken to a birth mom? It had been over 2 years.

We had a few days to talk and prepare. We agreed to approach this situation as we do all of them... cautiously. We have one focus right now- to love and minister to this woman and lend our support and encouragement in any way we can. Building a trust and relationship with her is our priority. We know all too well that regardless of how promising the situation seems, the decision is hers and hers alone, and won't officially be made until the baby is born.

We had our first conversation with her today over the phone and we feel it went really well. Jennifer was very talkative and made conversation easy. She had questions for us and she answered ours in great depth. She seems incredibly mature and has clearly put a lot of thought into her decision. She has a beautiful story, and regardless of the outcome, I am glad to know her.

Here's a summary of what we know:
Jennifer is 26 and has 2 children, Lucy (age 5) and Nathaniel (age 1). Each of her children, including baby-to-be, have a different birth father. She has custody of both her children and seems to be a very loving and involved mom. She is living on food stamps & other government assistance, so she simply does not have the financial means to support another child. Jennifer is an adopted child herself and she has a very positive, loving & supportive relationship with her adoptive parents. They are aware of her adoption plan for this baby and they support her completely. Jennifer met her own birth mom when she was in high school and it was a very negative experience. However, she was able to meet and build relationships with her half siblings. She'd really like to have some kind of open relationship with this baby and we've discussed that with her- there is still much to decide. She's been very open with her children about her pregnancy and plan to give this baby to a new family- we were very impressed with how she's planned and thought through the impact this will have on her children.

We ended our conversation with her today leaving the ball in her court. She's going to take some time to think about what she'd like our relationship with her to be over the next few months. We've made it clear we are open to her taking the lead and we can be as involved as much or as little as she'd like from week to week.

We, of course, would appreciate your prayers as we move forward in our relationship with Jennifer. Specifically, pray for her and the baby girl she's carrying- for their health and safety. Also pray for the Lord's continued leading in our relationship with her, that He would continue to connect us and bond us and keep our hearts focused on Him, not ourselves. May His will be done!