Anne's first meltdown

So on Tuesday morning, I (Anne), had my first official adoption-related meltdown. We've both been doing so great with the waiting so far. And then one little thing just set me off.

One of the MANY things on our "to do" list for the home study is to get a TB test. No big deal. So I went in for my test last Friday & was scheduled to come back in on Monday to have my results read. But then my incredible husband surprised me with a Disneyland getaway for the entire weekend and we didn't return until late Monday night. I re-scheduled my result reading for Tuesday.

After being kept waiting for nearly an hour in the waiting room (just to be handed a piece of paper!), the nurse finally called me in and told me that since more than 72 hours had passed since my test, the results were no longer valid and I had to re-take the test, then come back on Friday for the results.... RIDICULOUS. Apparently it's state mandate or whatever that considers your TB test results invalid after a certain period of time, but nobody told me this. I think my meltdown ensued from lack of sleep, hunger, and complete irritation at the entire process. I started yelling (yes, YELLING) at the nurse and then I just plain sat and cried. I felt so dumb, but I just couldn't help it.

Afterwards I went out to my car, let all the tears out, then called my husband. After talking it out, this is what the REAL reason for my meltdown was... This home study process just seems to be getting longer and longer. With all the doctors appointments, safety courses, tests, home improvements, paperwork, budgeting, the list of tasks seems endless. We're barely making a dent in all the things we need to do and it just seems completely unfair. Birth parents don't have to go through all of this. They can be as prepared or unprepared as they want for parenthood. Zach and I have tried for a baby, and desired a baby for SO long and we are beyond ready. It doesn't seem right that we have to jump through all of these hoops. What makes it even harder is that we have to baby proof our house, install our carseat, set up our nursery, all just to pass the home study but we have no idea how long it will be before we'll actually need all those things! So now all those things just serve as a reminder that we're still in the dark, without a baby. We're hoping and praying we'll get matched soon, but there's just no way to know. It's difficult to have the entire house ready even though we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's now Saturday and I'm doing much better. :-) All our paperwork is complete and every doctors appt. and safety course we need has been scheduled. We'll be completely done with our home study by the end of August, hallelujah! Guess I just melted down for nothing. :-)

Interview #1

Today we met our social worker, Dalyn, and we did our home assessment & couples interview. We really had no idea what to expect (which made me pretty nervous), but Dalyn was great and very easy to talk to. Some of the questions were pretty darn personal, but we worked through it and responded as honestly as we could. Some of the information she gave us seemed like total common sense to us (ie: Never withhold food or basic necessities from your child as a means of punishment, Check the water temperature before you bathe your child), but we figured she's probably seen it all & she was just covering all her bases.

We filled out an endless pile of paperwork and as if all the hoops we've jumped through so far weren't enough, we were given yet another list of tasks. We each have to get a DMV clearance, a physical, a TB test, pass a water safety course, and pass a CPR & first aid course. We were also told during our home assessment that our entire house needs to be baby-proofed by next week. This means covering all our outlets, putting safety latches on every cabinet & drawer, installing locks on the oven, fridge & toilet, etc etc etc. We thought this was pretty ridiculous since we haven't even been matched with a birth mom yet, and even we were to get a baby tomorrow, it would be MONTHS before they would be at risk for sticking their finger in a socket or getting a knife off the kitchen counter! Nevertheless, it needs to be done in order to pass our home study. We just need to keep focusing on the end result... we're going to be parents to a beautiful son or daughter. When that day comes all this work will be worth it. :-)

Tomorrow we'll be assembling the crib for the nursery & then the baby's room will be just about complete! We're still waiting on a dresser but it won't arrive until the first week of August. I'll post pictures of the finished room (minus the dresser) at the end of this week. :-)

The home study begins

As you may have noticed, there hasn't been much to report over the last couple weeks. We've been very busy filling out LOTS of paperwork for our home study and assembling LOTS of copies of our profile book for Little Angel Adoptions. But now, the profile books have been turned in (which means they can be sent out to any birth mom who is a potential match), and the paperwork has been submitted. Our social worker, Dalyn, will be coming to our house on Monday, July 12th to do a home assessment and our couple's interview. It will be about a 2 hour interview with Zach & I together, answering questions about anything & everything! Next, on July 13th, I will do an individual interview with Dalyn, and Zach will do his on July 19th. Once all three interviews are complete we will move on to our 12 hours of infant training. Then we're done! It seems so simple, but we're anxious to have it all behind us.

In the meantime, we've been working on putting the nursery together. The walls are painted, curtains are up, and new diapers have been slowly accumulating in the closet. :-) We picked out the furniture last week & it's being assembled piece by piece. We're having so much fun pulling the whole room together & imagining what it will be like when we introduce our child to it! I am already excited about our Jeep brand stroller & JJ Cole diaper bag- both have all the bells & whistles and I almost wish I had an excuse to use them even without a baby! :-) But by far the most important element in the nursery is the rocking chair.... it was built by my grandfather when he was just a young guy on the farm in Iowa. After losing him to Alzheimers just last September, I was given the chair- it has personal meaning to me and to our family. We are honored and excited to rock our baby to sleep in my Opa's chair, knowing he will be looking down from heaven and smiling as we do so.

Checkin' things off the list

We're checking things off our list! We completed our profile book last night, all except the letters of recommendation to be added. We've received 3 letters back so far and we're waiting on the rest before we make copies of our book & send them to Little Angel Adoptions. (If we asked you to write a letter for us, we'd appreciate receiving the letter in the next week. Thank you!)
The profile book was a BIG project and a bit stressful! We're happy to have it behind us and we're trusting God to put the book in the right hands! We've also begun the first steps of our home study. We completed the application & turned in the deposit. We were assigned a social worker & we spoke with her yesterday. Tomorrow we'll be filling out individual questionnaires and turning in the remaining balance due. We'll also be getting fingerprinted. Once those things are complete, our social worker will schedule interviews & a home assessment with us. We're hoping the entire process won't take as long as it sounds like it will, but we're content to have plenty to keep us busy while we're waiting to be matched.

"Dear Birth Parent"

After signing our contract & turning in our fees, we then wrote our "Dear Birth Parent" letter. This is a letter from us to the potential birth mother of our child, sharing who we are and why we desire to be parents. (It took us HOURS to write. It's such an important task!!) Along with a picture of us, this is to be submitted for posting on the Little Angel Adoptions website. Birth moms can go to the website and browse through the waiting families and read their letters. We'll also be putting this letter in our profile book which will get sent out to any birth moms that could be a match for us. Our letter & picture was posted on the website this morning- feel free to read it! (By the way, we know the Little Angel website is ridiculously outdated & cheesy in style, however it hasn't seemed to stop them from being very successful!)

http://www.littleangeladoptions.com/ProspFams/Zach_AnneLtr.htm

"Pregnant on Paper"

We've signed the contract & turned in our money, so as Little Angel Adoptions says, we are officially "pregnant on paper"!!!! Yay!!! We're so excited to have officially begun this journey! We have a lot do now! Our first step is to write a letter to the potential birth mother & submit it along with a picture of us to be posted on the Little Angel Adoptions website. Next, we will need to collect letters of recommendation from friends & family to put in our profile book. (THANK YOU to our amazing friends & family who have been so willing to write these letters for us! It's such a big & important part of the process and we are honored to have you be a part of it!!!) We will also need to make a profile book (basically a mini-scrapbook telling all about us). This will be what gets sent to the birth mothers to look at as they make their decision for a family. Needless to say, there's a lot of pressure on making this book! Finally, we need to have a home study conducted. This simply means a social worker will come and assess our house for safety, space, health, etc. I'm grateful we have plenty to do while we wait. :-)

We've also been advised by Little Angel Adoptions to purchase a carseat & any basic necessities we might need in the event that they receive a call from a birth mom who's already had her baby & needs a family asap! Though this isn't a common occurance, it can and does happen, so we need to be prepared! It's crazy to think our lives could change that quickly!!

We'll keep you posted on our progress!

Decision made!

We met with the directors/owners of Little Angel Adoptions this morning , and the same good vibe we felt on the phone a few days ago was felt again. We had a great talk with Deb- she & her husband Jim started Little Angel Adoptions years ago and they have an obvious heart for birth mother's and the ministry of adoption. She confirmed all the things we'd been told by Kim (the adoptive parent coordinator) and she set us completely at ease. She shared lots of stories with us- all God-ordained meetings between adoptive parents & birth mothers. We realized very quickly that nothing we do can force the process to go faster or smoother but every step is an act of faith. We found this to be a big relief! We don't need to obsess over making the perfect profile book or call for updates every few days... we can relax and trust that God has the perfect child picked out for us.

So after some extensive debriefing with one another over lunch, we've decided to move forward with Little Angel Adoptions! :-) We've already completed the application & been accepted, so the next step is to read & sign the contract and pay the fee (a very little word for a very big number!). After that we'll be officially "pregnant on paper" as they say.

Next we'll write a letter to the potential birth mother & submit a picture to be posted on Little Angel's website. We'll also need to begin collecting reference letters from friends & family, create a profile book to be sent to potential birth mothers, and get a home study done. Lots lots lots to do!

We could be chosen by a birth mom in as little as a few weeks, or up to about 1 year. It's up to God! (Sometimes birth mothers call when they are in labor or have JUST delivered a child, and they want to place their baby with a family immediately! But in most cases a birth mother calls when she is a few months into her pregnancy, so we'll most likely have plenty of notice.)

Please let us know if you have any questions for us about our decision or Little Angel Adoptions!

Here's a little more info about Little Angel Adoptions for those who are interested:

-They do only domestic adoptions within the U.S. They have birth mothers from all around the country, so it's very likely we will need to travel to pick up our child!
-Only 30-35 adoptive families are kept on file. This gives each family the one-on-one attention they need during this emotional process!
-The birth mother will be given only 10-15 profile books to look through, all families who fit what she's looking for & vice versa.
-It is VERY rare for a birth mother to change her mind about relinquishing her child for adoption once she's been matched with a family. (Once the child has been b0rn & discharged from the hospital, the adoption will be finalized & the birth parents rights will be terminated.)
-The majority of birth mother's request a semi-open or closed adoption. (Zach & I are comfortable with both options.)
-A casual relationship between the birth mother & adoptive parents is encouraged before the child is born, but only 5% of families actually meet the birth mother before she delivers.
-We will be given access to the birth mother's medical records from her pre-natal care visits, the baby's medical records, as well as any family medical history that is known.