Within days after returning, we'd been matched with another birthmom, this time in New York. We were too emotionally drained to even think about investing ourselves in another match yet, so we took our time getting back to our agency. We learned that this new mom, Marnie, was in her late thirties and homeless. She was pregnant with her fourth child but she didn't have custody of her other three. (CPS took two and she adopted out the third.) The birth father had already signed off his rights, and Marnie was willing to sign off her rights before she was discharged from the hospital. She wanted a completely closed adoption- no contact with us before, during or after. This situation sounded pretty ideal to us. No risk involved. Our agency wouldn't even call us until the baby was born and the papers were signed, so we wouldn't book a flight to New York until we knew we'd be coming home with a baby. At first, Marnie didn't request much financial assistance, but because we knew she was homeless we sent her some giftcards to help her get by. When we received a copy of the paperwork she'd filled out for our agency, we saw some red flags. Mainly that she was smoking six cigarettes daily throughout her pregnancy, and that she had no prenatal care for the last six months. We also saw she had a serious history with alcohol abuse, so we weren't entirely convinced she wasn't drinking during her pregnancy as well. Her due date was not until mid-January so we knew we had some time to think through this potential health risks to the baby.
Yesterday, we received a call from our agency. They told us that Marnie met with a state worker in New York who was trying to help her get out of the homeless shelter and into a better place. The state worker helped her put a plan on paper and they came up with a dollar amount needed to put it into action. In other words, Marnie was requesting $3500 from us to help her until the baby was born.
Needless to say, we were not comfortable with this amount. Even if we had that kind of extra cash, we would not give it to her while she still has three months to change her mind about placing the baby for adoption. Unfortunately, our inability to provide Marnie with that kind of financial assistance, was a deal breaker. We had to walk away.
When I hung up the phone, I collapsed into tears. Not because we had any kind of connection to Marnie or her baby, but because I was just so unbearably frustrated. We just can't make heads or tails of what God is doing through this exhausting process. Do we give up and accept that adoption just isn't for us, or are we falling victim to the devil's discouragement? Please pray for discernment as we seek God's will for us in pursuing adoption.
