On January 13th we were matched with a new birth mom, Jennifer. Everything we've learned about her so far is promising. There are no major concerns or "red flags." She is due with a baby girl on April 21st.
As soon as we agreed to move forward with her based on the information we were given, Zach and I looked at each other and said, "How do we do this again? It's been so long!" There were very few birth moms of the 7 we were matched with in our last process that we actually had a relationship with. Sometimes it's just easier to get a call last minute or to work with a mom who has no interest in us whatsoever. Open relationships are trickier, more fragile, and higher risk emotionally. We felt very rusty. When was the last time we'd actually spoken to a birth mom? It had been over 2 years.
We had a few days to talk and prepare. We agreed to approach this situation as we do all of them... cautiously. We have one focus right now- to love and minister to this woman and lend our support and encouragement in any way we can. Building a trust and relationship with her is our priority. We know all too well that regardless of how promising the situation seems, the decision is hers and hers alone, and won't officially be made until the baby is born.
We had our first conversation with her today over the phone and we feel it went really well. Jennifer was very talkative and made conversation easy. She had questions for us and she answered ours in great depth. She seems incredibly mature and has clearly put a lot of thought into her decision. She has a beautiful story, and regardless of the outcome, I am glad to know her.
Here's a summary of what we know:
Jennifer is 26 and has 2 children, Lucy (age 5) and Nathaniel (age 1). Each of her children, including baby-to-be, have a different birth father. She has custody of both her children and seems to be a very loving and involved mom. She is living on food stamps & other government assistance, so she simply does not have the financial means to support another child. Jennifer is an adopted child herself and she has a very positive, loving & supportive relationship with her adoptive parents. They are aware of her adoption plan for this baby and they support her completely. Jennifer met her own birth mom when she was in high school and it was a very negative experience. However, she was able to meet and build relationships with her half siblings. She'd really like to have some kind of open relationship with this baby and we've discussed that with her- there is still much to decide. She's been very open with her children about her pregnancy and plan to give this baby to a new family- we were very impressed with how she's planned and thought through the impact this will have on her children.
We ended our conversation with her today leaving the ball in her court. She's going to take some time to think about what she'd like our relationship with her to be over the next few months. We've made it clear we are open to her taking the lead and we can be as involved as much or as little as she'd like from week to week.
We, of course, would appreciate your prayers as we move forward in our relationship with Jennifer. Specifically, pray for her and the baby girl she's carrying- for their health and safety. Also pray for the Lord's continued leading in our relationship with her, that He would continue to connect us and bond us and keep our hearts focused on Him, not ourselves. May His will be done!
