A month of firsts

It's been FOUR months since we met our beautiful baby girl and brought her home. We have enjoyed watching her grow and change right before our eyes. She has developed quite the little personality, constantly making us laugh and smile. This month was full of "firsts" for P.J.

To start, she went on an airplane for the first time as we traveled to Maui for our first vacation as a family of three. ("Lola" and "Papa" generously treated us to a week at the Four Seasons Resort.) We were very anxious to travel with the baby, but, it's no surprise that she stayed true to her flexible and compliant nature- she was a DREAM the entire trip! She charmed people everywhere we went- some fellow hotel guests were even on a first name basis with her by the end of the week! :-)

While in Maui, Providence donned a swimsuit for the first time (which was so gosh darn adorable we could barely stand it!) and "swam" in a pool. We figured she'd either love it or hate, but she seemed totally unimpressed with the whole thing. Her facial expression was mostly bored, but we had fun introducing her to the water anyway. She also dipped her feet in sand for the first time and took her first boat ride (whale watching). Our favorite memory with her was watching her reaction at a luau performance. The music, colors, fire dancers and drums absolutely thrilled her! She couldn't sit still- she just had to kick and bounce! We know she won't remember a single moment, but we have photos and memories to last a lifetime. We were SO proud of our little traveler- she adjusted beautifully and maintained her laid-back temperament throughout the entire trip. (Very Hawaiian of her!) :-)

The week after our return home, Providence flipped over from back to tummy for the first time, and began sleeping through the night. We're afraid to blink, in fear of missing something else! She's also more or less weaned herself off her pacifier (it's a meltdown-only solution), and has taken to sucking on her fingers and hands. She'll occasionally grab her own bottle and feed herself (her independent nature is starting to shine through with each passing day), and she's very close to sitting up on her own (thanks to the Bumbo seat for helping her accomplish this!). We can't wait until she starts to do more and more things, but with each new milestone we are saddened- we already miss her "infant" phase.

By far our favorite thing about Providence is making her laugh. It's an absolute riot, and I still get teary eyed every time! (See the Youtube video we recently posted on Anne's facebook page.)

We love being a Momma and Daddy, more than anything in the world. It's a whole new part of our marriage that we are happily exploring. We still make time for ourselves- leaving P.J with babysitters to ensure we get our quality time alone. We know we'll be better parents and better spouses if we make that a priority. Thank you for your continued prayers for our family! We're hoping to have a court date in April or May to finalize the adoption and officially make Providence an IMBODEN! We'll keep everyone posted! :-)

Three times the fun

Providence Joy is 3 months old today- we can hardly believe it! I know she's still considered a "newborn" but I find myself already missing when she was "little." All of her newborn size clothes are officially packed away with just a few tears shed by her momma. It's a strange dichotomy- looking forward to all the things they'll be able to do in the months to come but wishing they would just stay small and dependent for a little while longer. You fellow mommas understand, I'm sure.

This month P.J has startled to giggle and squeal in delight... our cups are overflowing. We could listen to her baby babble for hours and never tire of it. She's developed a taste for music- there are certain songs I can count on to get a smile ("I'm a Little Teacup" is #1). She's also getting ridiculously close to flipping herself over from back to tummy. Best of all, she has a very predictable routine. We can count on her "happy" and "fussy" times, mid-morning and afternoon naps, all like clockwork. This rhythm she's fallen into has been a gift to her Mom and Dad. :-) In turn, we've also learned what throws off her groove- too much stimulation from longs days with family, unfamiliar faces first thing in the morning, or missing her 30 minutes of "play time" in the morning with Momma... and of course the rare occasion when Momma's need for Starbucks supersedes P.J's need for a bottle. :-) She received her first set of vaccines and handled it like a little soldier. We had prepared ourselves for a long day of tears and fussiness, but the tears shed during the injections were the first and last for the entire day. She was a little lethargic and clingy, but that was the worst of it (if you can even call it that).

I've re-joined the MOPS group at church every other week (a mom's group for encouragement and recharging of the batteries) after a year long hiatus during our multiple failed adoption attempts. I can't tell you how great it feels to be back under much better circumstances. I love the "club" that is motherhood, but in a way I still feel a bit on the outskirts. I'm the only momma in the group who hasn't experienced a pregnancy and can't speak about how much my child looks like me or reminds me of myself when I was her age. I can't say with certainty that she'll probably do things "just like her daddy" or have a knack for things like her grandmother. I have no idea which side of her family her gorgeous brown eyes come from or her long fingers, and I couldn't say if she'll be more prone to music or sports. I don't know what health issues run in her family and what she may or may not be at risk for. There are a lot of conversations among other moms that I still can't join in on, and it's hard.

I couldn't love Providence more if I carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her myself, and it breaks my heart that I can't know her wholly and completely, nor will I ever be able to help her fill in the blanks of her own family history. There will be so much about herself she will never know, and as her mother I can't provide for her. When Zach and I dedicated her to the Lord in front of our church family last Sunday, my prayer and desire for her was this: May she be content knowing she is a child of God, loved by Christ and loved by me and Zach. May she determine her value by who God says she is, not who the world says she is. I pray her identity in Christ is always enough for her, even when she longs to know more about her biological family.

P.J's second month

Everyone keeps telling us how quickly time flies with a newborn and to cherish every minute because they change SO fast. It's completely true. Looking back at the pictures we took of Providence that first week, we are shocked at how much she has grown and changed. Our sweet P.J continues to be very easygoing and for that we are eternally grateful. She's not sensitive to loud noises or dead quiet, nor does she have difficulty sleeping at night or eating or digesting or... well really anything. She truly is a JOY. Her personality is shining through more and more each day and we love to see how truly happy she is just about all of the time. She DOES cry and DOES have her fussy time of the day (most people don't believe us when we tell them this), but those moments are short-lived. Generally she's content to just "chill." :)

In her second month she's learned how to smile which has brought tears to her mommy's eyes and laughter to us all. She was slow to figure it out but now she's a frequent smiler and we LOVE it. She no longer throws a fit when placed on her changing table or when given a bath; she's happy just to be wherever we are, whatever we're doing to her. :) She LOVES to look at bright colors and lights- the Christmas tree was her favorite focus point for the entire month of December and we were sad to take it down today for her sake. We took her out several times to look at Christmas lights and it was such fun to see her little eyes get as big as saucers. She's also making all sorts of noises and if I didn't know better I'd swear she's days away from her first word. :) Every few days she makes a new vowel or consonant sound that surprises and delights even herself.

Her biggest milestone (for all three of us really) was making the switch to sleeping with Mommy & Daddy for most of the night to sleeping in her own crib. She's transitioned beautifully and is able to put herself to sleep in her own bed and stay there for almost the entire night- a big step for us all! She's also finally begun to enjoy her bouncer and her swing- two items rendered obsolete for the first 7 weeks of her life. She especially loves to sit in her bouncer on the kitchen table and watch Mommy cook dinner. We continue to work on her "tummy time" and we're anxious to see all her hard work pay off when she can hold herself up and flip over.

While all of these little changes and milestones are fun and we are certainly aren't taking a single one for granted, I think what I find the most fulfilling is those quiet moments with her. Reading her a bedtime story from my grandfather's rocking chair in the corner of her room, and pausing to look around at all the things that were collecting dust for so long. Her room represented sadness and loss for such a long time, and I spent many hours crying in a heap in the middle of her floor, wondering if there would ever be a child to rock to sleep there. Now, in the stillness of the night when it's just me and my daughter, I look around and remember what her room USED to be, and I close my eyes in gratitude to the One who worked all things together for my good.