Safe Families

Recently our church launched a ministry called Safe Families. I (Anne) have been on the leadership team for the past few months, excited and encouraged by the possibilities this new ministry will bring to our church family. There are so many aspects to Safe Families, but the general idea is this:

Families from within a local church volunteer to open their homes to children of other families in crisis. These families in crisis are in the local community, typically single mothers in need of a temporary home to place their children in. The "crisis" can be anything really: homelessness, hospital recovery, unexpected trip out of town, job loss, etc. The purpose of this ministry is to step in and help families before their situation turns into one in which the state needs to get involved. Unlike foster care/Child Protective Services, Safe Families comes alongside both parent and child to bring recovery and healing to the crisis situation. The goal is to place the children back with their families as soon as possible. The host families from church do not get reimbursed in any way, nor do they take on a "parent" role for the child they're hosting. Instead, they work with the parents and keep open communication flowing between parent and child. The parents can talk to and see their children whenever they like- their retrieving of their child is not conditional on anything. The soul purpose of the host family is to simply show up emotionally, physically and spiritually for the family in crisis. (Believe it or not, that is the short version!)

The more I learn about this program, the more passionate I am for the cause. It's about time the church family stepped up and opened their doors and homes to the community around them! After A LOT of prayer, Zach and I both felt the Lord leading us to become a host family ourselves. The single moms in crisis we can help sound very much like the type of women we've been matched with through our adoption process. What if those women had a Safe Family they could turn to? Their lives could be completely changed. We feel strongly that this is what we are meant to do while we wait for a child of our own. (The Safe Families program is very flexible- we can opt out at any time, or relocate the child we are hosting if we have an adoption scenario come up.) The nursery in our home is full of brand new baby items collecting dust. We don't know how long it will be until we can use those things for our own child, but in the meantime we feel called to turn that room of sadness and loss into a ministry for other children. We will worship in the waiting.

I know we've shared this decision with some of you already, and we thank you for your support! We're so blessed to have such wonderful friends and cheerleaders. Many of you have commented how "strong" we have become and how "impressed" you are with this decision we've made. We'd like to be clear that our strength comes only from the Lord. Without His mercies and His healing, we would not be where we are today. Just this morning we watched our friends dedicate their baby girl in front of the church, and I couldn't hold back the sobs. Everything in me longed to have a baby of my own to dedicate to the Lord, to celebrate with our church family. While we do feel very strong and we marvel at how far the Lord has brought us, the scars from our journey are still very real.

"Today I Closed the Nursery Door"

I found this poem in one of our many adoption books we've read. It's like I wrote it myself. We have gone through this exact experience, especially after losing both Caleb & Providence. For those of you who have been blessed with children, please don't ever take them for granted.

"Today I Closed the Nursery Door" by Sheen Nesbitt (written while waiting to adopt)

Today I closed the nursery door,

Afraid of how I feel.

I have become attached to a child,

Who, as of yet, is not real.

Today I put away the toys,

That would belong to him.

The Tonka truck, the teddy bear,

The little chair he'd sit in.

Today I read the final book,

We would have read together.

Nursery rhymes and fairy tales,

And happily ever afters.

Today I finished his life book,

Of the life he could have had.

A warm home, lots of laughter,

And loving mom and dad.

Today I put that life book,

Up on the highest shelf.

I will not linger, I will no longer dream,

I refuse to delude myself.

Today it became clear to me,

That I do not have a son.

And I have absolutely no control,

Of if I'll ever have one.

My life, my future, my family, my child,

Are all in the hands of others.

They will decide what is best for me,

And whether or not I'm a mother.

So I closed the books, closed the door,

And put the toys away.

I am a mommy without a child,

I realized that today.

Saying "No"

Every few months or so Little Angel Adoptions will send out an email to all their waiting families regarding a baby & birth mom who need to be matched. This usually means that the circumstance is such a unique one that they don't have any specific families in mind, so they ask all of us to see who's interested. Every time we've read these emails we haven't responded with interest because it's simply not a situation we're prepared for (typically a special needs/disabled child). A couple weeks ago we got one of these emails regarding a baby boy in Utah who was born 15 weeks early- he'd been on oxygen in the NICU for 2 months already and he had at least another 2 months to go. The birth mom had been by his side every day, but she simply couldn't continue. There was a possibility the child would need to be on oxygen for the first few years of his life. So naturally, we passed. But a day later our agency called us and said the baby's condition wasn't as serious as they thought- he would need to remain in the NICU for another 2 months, but once released he should have a completely normal life. However, this still meant they needed adoptive parents to be with him in Utah for the remainder of his hospital stay. This was simply not something Zach & I could do.

We knew it was the right thing to say "no," and we have no regrets about it, but it was still difficult. Sometimes we feel so desperate that we think we'll take anything at this point, but when put to the test we find that's not exactly true. We can't be reckless. We have to wait for the right one, even if that means walking away from a child who needs a home. I had a mini-meltdown. (I call it "mini" because compared to some of the other meltdowns I've had through this adoption process, this one was basically nothing.)It had been nearly 2 months since our last letdown, and I felt we were finally experiencing a calm in the storm (as described in our previous post). After being hit repeatedly with heavy blows for practically 6 months straight, we were finally starting to put our emotions aside and simply live our lives normally. It usually works this way though- just when we think we're recovering and can be at peace for a while, the phone rings and it reminds us that we're still on this ride. It is, quite simply, exhausting.