Today I received a phone call from a family friend of Candice's. She felt compelled to talk with me and ask me to join her in prayer for both Candice and the baby. She hasn't been able to reach Candice or Candice's dad for over a week. She shared with me much more about Candice's situation and my heart went from heavy to heavier.
Candice dropped out of high school after the 9th grade, never got a driver's license (she takes a bus to work), has 2 nieces who are being bounced from home to home w/out a father or child support, a father who works 12 hour shifts and does nothing more than put a roof over her head (he has no interest in the baby or supporting Candice), and a step-mom who is already raising a 3yr. old for another family and is struggling to make ends meet. She has been unwilling to receive prenatal care, and only went in to the hospital 3 weeks ago at the insistence of this family friend who is a nurse. It was there she found out her due date, etc. The baby's heartbeat was strong and he had dropped, but she was not dilated at all. The nurse who examined her strongly encouraged her to see a doctor to ensure the baby's lungs were developing well (she's smokes, has low iron, and is obese), but Candice refused. Her friend shared that while Candice is 26, she has the mentality and attitude of a young teenager. She doesn't think Candice has any real value for her own life or the baby's.
At this point, our agency's hands are tied until they hear from Candice. Without a phone call from her, there is no way of knowing what's happening. Even if she waits until she goes into labor, she has to call our agency from the hospital and request the attorney in order for us to move forward with an adoption plan. If she doesn't do this, the baby will very likely go into CPS custody, even if Candice says she wants to parent (given her situation and decline of prenatal care, the hospital social worker will make the call in the best interest of the child). We are praying Candice has a strong enough state of mind to not let this happen since she knows there is a family in place that's able to give the baby a home.
It is incredibly frustrating to know all Candice has to do is pick up phone for us to have any clue what's going on, and it's the one thing she won't do, for whatever reason.
The entire situation is a sad mess, and my heart breaks for this little boy who is coming into the world so innocently and unknowing of what his life might be. It is situations like this that so strongly remind me why Zach and I have chosen adoption over having children of our own. Babies don't get to choose their family, they are at the whim of their birth parents and the choices they've made, right or wrong. I believe God brings beauty from the ashes, and I believe all the more that He is a God of justice, and somehow His will will come to fruition in this situation. Please continue to pray hard for Candice, her family, and this baby, that they will be compelled to make a loving, selfless, and wise decision for this child. Pray also for Candice to take notice of God's deep and wide love for her, that she will know she is valued and seen by her Creator, and that He wants His very best for her. Her life can be so much more than this, if she'll only open her heart to see Him.
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 31:18
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Waiting it out
In the last couple weeks we've been made aware of a situation here in Tucson involving a 26-year-old birth mom, Candice, due on April 2nd. She was brought to our attention through a series of acquaintances and "friends of a friend," and our only course of action was to pass along our adoption agency's information to get her the help she needed. After a quiet week, we'd more or less forgotten about it, until our agency called last Monday. Candice had gotten in touch with them and completed all of her paperwork, and she requested to view only our profile book. After hearing everything about her situation, we agreed to be officially "matched"with her.
Here's what we know…
Candice is Caucasion, and Eric, the birth father, is Korean. Baby is a boy, due on Thursday of this week. This is her first child. She & Eric are no longer in a relationship, but he is aware of the pregnancy and supportive of the adoption plan. Eric is a registered sex offender. Candice works 30 hours a week in the fast food business and lives with her dad. Both of her parents are aware of her pregnancy and supportive of her adoption plan. Candice smoke 3-4 cigarettes a day, but otherwise no drug or alcohol use. She does not want an open adoption, but she did request that we be present for the delivery. She lives 25 miles from us and the hospital in which she'll deliver is 3 miles from our home. Since turning in her paperwork to our agency, she has not been communicating with them, however a family friend of hers has been talking to her and to our agency, and assures them that she knows adoption is her only choice, and that she has simply taken on a "don't care" attitude, and has never been good at returning phone calls or texts. So, it would seem, if this is to work out for US, it will very likely be a hospital call. In the meantime we have all our pieces in place and are prepared to get up and go should the call come in.
We continue to be neither hopeful or optimistic at this point. We know all too well that nothing is with certainty until papers are signed and baby is at home with us, (which, in the state of Arizona, is 48 hours after birth). For the most part, we've been without any real emotion. We're guarded, protective of our hearts and of our family of three. We are taking one day at a time, accepting completely that we have zero control over the process or the outcome of this situation. So much of adoption is about trust and surrender. There's no other way to survive it really.
Every morning for the last few days as I've laid in bed, I've just been praying for Candice, Eric, and this baby boy. All three of them have been laid so heavily on my heart, to the point of me just feeling indescribably sad. The situation for this sweet little man, should his mom choose to parent, is far from healthy. I don't lay any claim to him myself, nor have I even prayed for him to become our son. I've just been praying, petitioning really, for Candice to be overwhelmed with God's love for her and for this child. From everything we know about her, I feel her self-worth and her value for her own life is not as it should be, and I want so much for her to understand how much she is loved by our Father. I've prayed and petitioned for Eric to find healing and redemption over his past transgressions, that the Lord will bring beauty from the ashes in his life. I've been praying that this little baby will draw everyone involved closer to Christ. I know God is good, and I know He works ALL things together for His good and perfect purpose. I am convinced that no matter where this little boy ends up, the Lord's will will prevail. And for the baby, I pray for health and safety, both during delivery and in his life. He belongs first to the Lord, and there is no one better to look after him.
We share this to ask for your prayers and petition too. Please join us in praying these things over Candice, Eric, the baby, and their families. Pray too for continued peace and surrender for Zach and myself as we wait it out. We are so blessed, yet again, by an amazing group of friends and family who we can trust to rally around us in prayer as we endeavor on this journey yet another time. Whenever we add another child to our family, we know we'll be able to say to them (just as we as say to P.J), they were prayed into our family by so many people that loved them before they were born.
(We have not made P.J aware of the situation in any way, and we are keeping it that way until things are finalized. She will not be coming with us to the hospital, should it get to that point. However, the possibility of a new sibling is in CONSTANT discussion in our home, and she fully understands that God may gift us with a baby at any time. We are confident that she is ready to take on the big sister roll, even if it happens overnight. We've been amazed at how little we've had to say to prepare her. It seems God has been molding and shaping her heart over these last few months. She has grown and matured into a sweet, kind, nurturing little girl, and we know she'll embrace sisterhood beautifully.)
Here's what we know…
Candice is Caucasion, and Eric, the birth father, is Korean. Baby is a boy, due on Thursday of this week. This is her first child. She & Eric are no longer in a relationship, but he is aware of the pregnancy and supportive of the adoption plan. Eric is a registered sex offender. Candice works 30 hours a week in the fast food business and lives with her dad. Both of her parents are aware of her pregnancy and supportive of her adoption plan. Candice smoke 3-4 cigarettes a day, but otherwise no drug or alcohol use. She does not want an open adoption, but she did request that we be present for the delivery. She lives 25 miles from us and the hospital in which she'll deliver is 3 miles from our home. Since turning in her paperwork to our agency, she has not been communicating with them, however a family friend of hers has been talking to her and to our agency, and assures them that she knows adoption is her only choice, and that she has simply taken on a "don't care" attitude, and has never been good at returning phone calls or texts. So, it would seem, if this is to work out for US, it will very likely be a hospital call. In the meantime we have all our pieces in place and are prepared to get up and go should the call come in.
We continue to be neither hopeful or optimistic at this point. We know all too well that nothing is with certainty until papers are signed and baby is at home with us, (which, in the state of Arizona, is 48 hours after birth). For the most part, we've been without any real emotion. We're guarded, protective of our hearts and of our family of three. We are taking one day at a time, accepting completely that we have zero control over the process or the outcome of this situation. So much of adoption is about trust and surrender. There's no other way to survive it really.
Every morning for the last few days as I've laid in bed, I've just been praying for Candice, Eric, and this baby boy. All three of them have been laid so heavily on my heart, to the point of me just feeling indescribably sad. The situation for this sweet little man, should his mom choose to parent, is far from healthy. I don't lay any claim to him myself, nor have I even prayed for him to become our son. I've just been praying, petitioning really, for Candice to be overwhelmed with God's love for her and for this child. From everything we know about her, I feel her self-worth and her value for her own life is not as it should be, and I want so much for her to understand how much she is loved by our Father. I've prayed and petitioned for Eric to find healing and redemption over his past transgressions, that the Lord will bring beauty from the ashes in his life. I've been praying that this little baby will draw everyone involved closer to Christ. I know God is good, and I know He works ALL things together for His good and perfect purpose. I am convinced that no matter where this little boy ends up, the Lord's will will prevail. And for the baby, I pray for health and safety, both during delivery and in his life. He belongs first to the Lord, and there is no one better to look after him.
We share this to ask for your prayers and petition too. Please join us in praying these things over Candice, Eric, the baby, and their families. Pray too for continued peace and surrender for Zach and myself as we wait it out. We are so blessed, yet again, by an amazing group of friends and family who we can trust to rally around us in prayer as we endeavor on this journey yet another time. Whenever we add another child to our family, we know we'll be able to say to them (just as we as say to P.J), they were prayed into our family by so many people that loved them before they were born.
(We have not made P.J aware of the situation in any way, and we are keeping it that way until things are finalized. She will not be coming with us to the hospital, should it get to that point. However, the possibility of a new sibling is in CONSTANT discussion in our home, and she fully understands that God may gift us with a baby at any time. We are confident that she is ready to take on the big sister roll, even if it happens overnight. We've been amazed at how little we've had to say to prepare her. It seems God has been molding and shaping her heart over these last few months. She has grown and matured into a sweet, kind, nurturing little girl, and we know she'll embrace sisterhood beautifully.)
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