First we would like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has visited, brought meals, and showered us with gifts over this past month! We are so blessed by your generosity! Each week we are made aware of yet another stranger who has been praying for us through our journey- we've received gifts and checks in the mail from these fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who we don't even know, and we are in awe. We are humbled by how far our story has reached. Sweet Providence Joy will forever be told of how many people prayed her into our family. It's hard to believe we've been parents to P.J for an entire month now! Though we prayed and prepared for years, it was still overwhelming to have our lives turned upside down in a mere 36 hours! We are overjoyed to put the long and difficult road behind us (though we know we are headed for a whole new kind of journey now!). It's interesting to see how quickly we've healed from our nearly 3 year journey of trying to have a family. Providence has washed away the pain and sadness. Oh we still remember... we will always remember what we went through, but it feels like a distant dream rather than an open wound. God is the ultimate Healer.
It took me a couple days to really attach to Providence. A big part of me wasn't ready to believe she was really ours. After everything we'd been through, it didn't seem possible to be happy. God pulled me out of that phase pretty quickly though and now I can't get enough of her. I love snuggling with her and watching her make all kinds of funny faces. I love it when she locks eyes with me and hangs on my every word. I love the rewarding feeling of hearing all her cries subside the second I pick her up. I love singing her lullabies (Taylor Swift's "Never Grow Up" is my favorite). She knows I'm her mom and there is no better feeling in the world.
Providence has such a good temperament. We are blessed to have an "easy" baby. She sleeps and eats really well, no real issues with indigestion, fussiness, or sensitivity. She loves to just "chill." :-)
Everyone is asking us how we're adjusting to the lack of sleep. They ask with a cringe on their face as if they already know we're going to say how tough it's been. While it IS a challenge, I have yet to feel discouraged or frustrated by it. Every time Providence cries, no matter the hour, I am reminded how hard it was for me to hear my other mommy friends complain about their little ones when I would've given anything to have a reason to get up at 3am. I am reminded how fervently I prayed for a child and all that comes with it. How can I be anything but joyful?!
We are amazed at how much she's changed since the day we brought her home. She's gained weight, grown taller and stronger, and she already seems to have a little personality. She's had her first bath, cried her first real tears, and had her first outing (many actually). She can lift her head up and hold it steady, and she can flip herself halfway from her back to her tummy. She even had her first big smile (it was probably involuntary) and it brought me to tears. :-) She is constantly making us laugh and smile. She is living up to her name- giving us joy!
The first couple weeks I felt guilty because I wasn't really thinking of Providence's birthmom at all. In fact, I was so wrapped up in my own transition into motherhood that I sort of forgot all about her. Now that I'm settled in to our new life, I think of Jacquelyn often. I wonder how she is coping in the wake of her decision and I thank God she had the courage to go through with it. I find myself wishing we had met her at least once. I would love to know what she looks like and have some sense of her personality. Instead all we have is some paperwork she filled out for our agency but it doesn't reveal much. I hope one day she decides she'd like some pictures or updates about the baby, but I'm not betting on it. I can pray for her though, and I do every day.
