So on Tuesday morning, I (Anne), had my first official adoption-related meltdown. We've both been doing so great with the waiting so far. And then one little thing just set me off.
One of the MANY things on our "to do" list for the home study is to get a TB test. No big deal. So I went in for my test last Friday & was scheduled to come back in on Monday to have my results read. But then my incredible husband surprised me with a Disneyland getaway for the entire weekend and we didn't return until late Monday night. I re-scheduled my result reading for Tuesday.
After being kept waiting for nearly an hour in the waiting room (just to be handed a piece of paper!), the nurse finally called me in and told me that since more than 72 hours had passed since my test, the results were no longer valid and I had to re-take the test, then come back on Friday for the results.... RIDICULOUS. Apparently it's state mandate or whatever that considers your TB test results invalid after a certain period of time, but nobody told me this. I think my meltdown ensued from lack of sleep, hunger, and complete irritation at the entire process. I started yelling (yes, YELLING) at the nurse and then I just plain sat and cried. I felt so dumb, but I just couldn't help it.
Afterwards I went out to my car, let all the tears out, then called my husband. After talking it out, this is what the REAL reason for my meltdown was... This home study process just seems to be getting longer and longer. With all the doctors appointments, safety courses, tests, home improvements, paperwork, budgeting, the list of tasks seems endless. We're barely making a dent in all the things we need to do and it just seems completely unfair. Birth parents don't have to go through all of this. They can be as prepared or unprepared as they want for parenthood. Zach and I have tried for a baby, and desired a baby for SO long and we are beyond ready. It doesn't seem right that we have to jump through all of these hoops. What makes it even harder is that we have to baby proof our house, install our carseat, set up our nursery, all just to pass the home study but we have no idea how long it will be before we'll actually need all those things! So now all those things just serve as a reminder that we're still in the dark, without a baby. We're hoping and praying we'll get matched soon, but there's just no way to know. It's difficult to have the entire house ready even though we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It's now Saturday and I'm doing much better. :-) All our paperwork is complete and every doctors appt. and safety course we need has been scheduled. We'll be completely done with our home study by the end of August, hallelujah! Guess I just melted down for nothing. :-)
