The thing about it being a year later is...

*Negative griping and moaning ahead*

So it's officially been one full year since we began our adoption journey/process/rollercoaster/whatever. To be completely honest we just never thought we'd still be waiting one year later. And of course we NEVER thought we'd have four matches and no baby in just one year time. Someone said to us a while back, "Well at least you keep getting picked! That means your profile book is really good and you're likable!" I don't really know which is worse- going an entire year without being matched, or going an entire year with four matches that didn't work out. It's pretty depressing either way.

Unfortunately with the one year anniversary of our beginning comes expensive renewals. Our homestudy, for instance, needs to be renewed (for the ridiculous cost of $900, more than half of what it cost to do the initial homestudy). Our social worker paid us a visit last week because she'd told us over the phone that the renewal needed to take place within 1 year of the time we started the process. (We started the homestudy in May '10 and finished Aug '10.) However when she arrived she told us we didn't need to sign off on anything until this fall... making her visit completely pointless because she'll just have to come back out in a few months and re-do her review. I spent HOURS preparing our house for her walk-through, just as I had done a year ago. I baby-proofed everything (again) and re-purchased the endless list of items we needed for our "disaster kit," thinking she could just check it off and I wouldn't need to worry about it again until after we had a baby. The homestudy itself is difficult enough, and while the renewal is far less extensive than the initial homestudy, it's still hard to endure. I really struggle welcoming a complete stranger into my home (who is the same age as me and has no children of her own) to determine whether or not we are capable of being good parents, based on a checklist and a million personal questions that would otherwise be none of her business. Most parents don't need to jump through any hoops or get approved by anyone in order to have their child. The entire thing is so invasive and aggravating. This young social worker holds all the power for those few hours- whatever she writes on her paper will determine whether or not we're allowed to adopt. I had tons of anxiety about it, and I'll admit my attitude was already terrible by the time she arrived. I just hated that we had to do it all over again because in 1 year and 4 matches we still had no baby.

Along with renewing our homestudy, our agency continues to ask us for more copies of our profile books. We gave them 20 when we began the process last year, and in the last 2 months we've had to give them 16 more. They're sending them out like crazy, which is good I suppose, but it's very expensive for us to keep making more. (22 color-copied pages + a 12 sleeve presentation folder= abt. $15 per book) Not to mention that sitting down to assemble them all and then drive 30 minutes to the agency office is a tedious and horribly depressing task.

Finally, we need to renew our CPR certification (thankfully our first aid and water safety are good for another year) this summer, and I have yet to find a Red Cross course that's both cost and time efficient.

Most 1 year anniversaries are celebrated... this one, not so much.