So last week as I was walking by P.J's room, nearly an hour after she'd gone to bed, I heard her say, "My friend at school said that having a baby in your belly is what makes you a mommy." I stopped and turned on my heels, took a deep breath, and sat at her bedside. God is so good and He comes through for me every time I get thrown these curveballs. I had to explain to my daughter that night that just having a baby in your belly is not what makes you a mommy. P.J had already begun asking me several times a week just how she got IN and then OUT of Jacquelyn's belly, so I knew it was on her mind, but I'd never had to explain that Jacquelyn wasn't really her "mommy," before. It was tough to explain, but I was able to help P.J understand that even though Jacquelyn carried her in her belly for 9 whole months, when P.J was born, Jacquelyn just wasn't ready to be a mommy, because she knew she couldn't give P.J everything a baby needed, and THAT is what a mommy does. So she asked ME to be P.J's mommy for her. We talked about all the ways that I'm P.J's mommy, even though I've never had a baby in my belly. It was a good conversation and I feel P.J had a good understanding of things when I left her room.
I came downstairs and began telling Zach about the conversation, and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. It was the first time when I felt a little out of control. P.J was told something at school that wasn't necessarily untrue, but it is where P.J's story is concerned. She is different than nearly all of her friends in that she didn't grow in her Mommy's belly. An innocent conversation among preschoolers led to a lengthy conversation at home about how P.J came to be, and how it wasn't the same as her friends. At the age of 3 1/2, this is not a big deal. P.J knows her adoption is what makes her special and that God chose her to be our daughter. She knows she's the answer to years of prayers, and she knows without a doubt that WE are her Mommy & Daddy. She is not insecure about this in any way….yet. But it was hard for me to know that already, at her age, that what she's being told at home is being "challenged" by her friends at school. That she will be told things and asked things her whole young life by kids who just assume that she's a biological child like they are, and may not understand how beautiful and amazing her adoption story is.
That was just the beginning, because tonight, again as I was walking past her room way after her bedtime, P.J asked to see pictures of Jacquelyn. (We have several that we keep in the back of P.J's baby book, and she's seen them several times before.) I was tired and I wanted P.J to go to sleep, but I decided that I never want to decline when she asks about Jacquelyn or her adoption. I want her to know it's an open subject at all times and that she never has to worry about asking me anything. So I came in, turned her bedroom light on and grabbed her baby book from the closet. We spread Jacquelyn's pictures out on the bed and P.J fired question after question. I shared more about Jacquelyn with P.J tonight than I ever have. We talked about what Jacquelyn looked like, where she worked, what her hobbies were, and for the first time ever, P.J asked about the man that Jacquelyn made a baby with. It was hard for me to tell my daughter that we don't know anything about him, what he looks like, or his name. We talked about how God tells us that only a man and woman who are married should make a baby together, and why Jacquelyn wasn't married, and why Zach and I have never made a baby together even though we're married. We talked about how we found out about P.J and Jacquelyn and who took care of her until we got to the hospital. Every time I thought we were done, P.J would ask, "Mommy, can I ask you another question about Jacquelyn?"
Whew. It was a lot, but I'm confident in the answers I gave her because I felt the Lord providing me with words quickly and concisely, and I watched P.J's face light up and receive every word with assurance. Especially when I told her about the "happy tears" we cried when we met her for the first time because we'd been so sad and so brokenhearted for a long time, praying for God to bring us a baby. She asked me if we stopped praying once we got her, and she got the biggest grin on her face when I said, "No, we kept praying, but we prayed thanks to God for putting you in our family." But the best part (and also the most emotional part), was when I pulled P.J onto my lap and said, "Can I tell you one more thing about Jacquelyn? She was SO brave, and she loved you SO much. Do you know how I know that? Because she saw how beautiful you were and she made a hard choice. She chose to give you to a family who could take care of you. She knew it was better for you to have a Mommy and Daddy who would love you and take care of you forever. We thank God for Jacquelyn every day, because she gave us you."I've never seen my kid look more confident and loved than she did after hearing that.
So many emotions swirling in my heart tonight, but the main one is thankfulness…overwhelming thankfulness to the woman who handed over her role as "Mommy" to me and trusted me and Zach with the most beautiful little girl, the most courageous and selfless thing she will ever do.
I came downstairs and began telling Zach about the conversation, and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. It was the first time when I felt a little out of control. P.J was told something at school that wasn't necessarily untrue, but it is where P.J's story is concerned. She is different than nearly all of her friends in that she didn't grow in her Mommy's belly. An innocent conversation among preschoolers led to a lengthy conversation at home about how P.J came to be, and how it wasn't the same as her friends. At the age of 3 1/2, this is not a big deal. P.J knows her adoption is what makes her special and that God chose her to be our daughter. She knows she's the answer to years of prayers, and she knows without a doubt that WE are her Mommy & Daddy. She is not insecure about this in any way….yet. But it was hard for me to know that already, at her age, that what she's being told at home is being "challenged" by her friends at school. That she will be told things and asked things her whole young life by kids who just assume that she's a biological child like they are, and may not understand how beautiful and amazing her adoption story is.
That was just the beginning, because tonight, again as I was walking past her room way after her bedtime, P.J asked to see pictures of Jacquelyn. (We have several that we keep in the back of P.J's baby book, and she's seen them several times before.) I was tired and I wanted P.J to go to sleep, but I decided that I never want to decline when she asks about Jacquelyn or her adoption. I want her to know it's an open subject at all times and that she never has to worry about asking me anything. So I came in, turned her bedroom light on and grabbed her baby book from the closet. We spread Jacquelyn's pictures out on the bed and P.J fired question after question. I shared more about Jacquelyn with P.J tonight than I ever have. We talked about what Jacquelyn looked like, where she worked, what her hobbies were, and for the first time ever, P.J asked about the man that Jacquelyn made a baby with. It was hard for me to tell my daughter that we don't know anything about him, what he looks like, or his name. We talked about how God tells us that only a man and woman who are married should make a baby together, and why Jacquelyn wasn't married, and why Zach and I have never made a baby together even though we're married. We talked about how we found out about P.J and Jacquelyn and who took care of her until we got to the hospital. Every time I thought we were done, P.J would ask, "Mommy, can I ask you another question about Jacquelyn?"
Whew. It was a lot, but I'm confident in the answers I gave her because I felt the Lord providing me with words quickly and concisely, and I watched P.J's face light up and receive every word with assurance. Especially when I told her about the "happy tears" we cried when we met her for the first time because we'd been so sad and so brokenhearted for a long time, praying for God to bring us a baby. She asked me if we stopped praying once we got her, and she got the biggest grin on her face when I said, "No, we kept praying, but we prayed thanks to God for putting you in our family." But the best part (and also the most emotional part), was when I pulled P.J onto my lap and said, "Can I tell you one more thing about Jacquelyn? She was SO brave, and she loved you SO much. Do you know how I know that? Because she saw how beautiful you were and she made a hard choice. She chose to give you to a family who could take care of you. She knew it was better for you to have a Mommy and Daddy who would love you and take care of you forever. We thank God for Jacquelyn every day, because she gave us you."I've never seen my kid look more confident and loved than she did after hearing that.
So many emotions swirling in my heart tonight, but the main one is thankfulness…overwhelming thankfulness to the woman who handed over her role as "Mommy" to me and trusted me and Zach with the most beautiful little girl, the most courageous and selfless thing she will ever do.
