Saying "No"

Every few months or so Little Angel Adoptions will send out an email to all their waiting families regarding a baby & birth mom who need to be matched. This usually means that the circumstance is such a unique one that they don't have any specific families in mind, so they ask all of us to see who's interested. Every time we've read these emails we haven't responded with interest because it's simply not a situation we're prepared for (typically a special needs/disabled child). A couple weeks ago we got one of these emails regarding a baby boy in Utah who was born 15 weeks early- he'd been on oxygen in the NICU for 2 months already and he had at least another 2 months to go. The birth mom had been by his side every day, but she simply couldn't continue. There was a possibility the child would need to be on oxygen for the first few years of his life. So naturally, we passed. But a day later our agency called us and said the baby's condition wasn't as serious as they thought- he would need to remain in the NICU for another 2 months, but once released he should have a completely normal life. However, this still meant they needed adoptive parents to be with him in Utah for the remainder of his hospital stay. This was simply not something Zach & I could do.

We knew it was the right thing to say "no," and we have no regrets about it, but it was still difficult. Sometimes we feel so desperate that we think we'll take anything at this point, but when put to the test we find that's not exactly true. We can't be reckless. We have to wait for the right one, even if that means walking away from a child who needs a home. I had a mini-meltdown. (I call it "mini" because compared to some of the other meltdowns I've had through this adoption process, this one was basically nothing.)It had been nearly 2 months since our last letdown, and I felt we were finally experiencing a calm in the storm (as described in our previous post). After being hit repeatedly with heavy blows for practically 6 months straight, we were finally starting to put our emotions aside and simply live our lives normally. It usually works this way though- just when we think we're recovering and can be at peace for a while, the phone rings and it reminds us that we're still on this ride. It is, quite simply, exhausting.