I found this poem in one of our many adoption books we've read. It's like I wrote it myself. We have gone through this exact experience, especially after losing both Caleb & Providence. For those of you who have been blessed with children, please don't ever take them for granted.
"Today I Closed the Nursery Door" by Sheen Nesbitt (written while waiting to adopt)
Afraid of how I feel.
I have become attached to a child,
Who, as of yet, is not real.
Today I put away the toys,
That would belong to him.
The Tonka truck, the teddy bear,
The little chair he'd sit in.
Today I read the final book,
We would have read together.
Nursery rhymes and fairy tales,
And happily ever afters.
Today I finished his life book,
Of the life he could have had.
A warm home, lots of laughter,
And loving mom and dad.
Today I put that life book,
Up on the highest shelf.
I will not linger, I will no longer dream,
I refuse to delude myself.
Today it became clear to me,
That I do not have a son.
And I have absolutely no control,
Of if I'll ever have one.
My life, my future, my family, my child,
Are all in the hands of others.
They will decide what is best for me,
And whether or not I'm a mother.
So I closed the books, closed the door,
And put the toys away.
I am a mommy without a child,
I realized that today.
