Much like on Providence's birthday, I know I will think a lot about her birth mother this Sunday. I wonder about her mix of emotions. Technically she's a mother- she carried a baby for nine months and went through labor and delivery, but she went home empty-handed. That must feel strange. It might feel just as strange as it does for me. I celebrate Mother's Day even though I've never carried a child in my body and gone through the painful yet joyful experience of labor and delivery. I wasn't there the moment Providence entered the world, but her birth mom was. She will always have the moment. As difficult as it still is for me to accept that, I'm glad she has a little something to take with her. For her sake, I'm glad she has that moment to herself, to treasure and keep in her heart. I have a lifetime of moments with Providence that her birth mother will never have. I can't be jealous, I can only be grateful.
Sometimes the questions and curious looks from other parents exhaust me. I find myself swallowing a lump in my throat when I have to explain to yet another stranger that Providence is not biologically mine, that she's "at least 3/4 Filipino... we think," or that I don't know anything about her birth father. I think biological parents take it for granted that they know all the ins and outs of their kids and that they'll never get a question they can't answer. I console myself by saying that there's no way any biological child of mine would ever be as brilliant, beautiful, joyful and charming as Providence, so I actually got the better deal. :-) To be honest, I've never ONCE wished I had a biological child instead of my adopted child. The looks and questions from strangers are the only time I'm even reminded that she's not "mine." When it's just the two of us, or even with our family of three, I don't give it another thought. Providence is our daughter, one hundred percent, without question. I don't stare at her features and wish they resembled mine or Zach's, or long for her to inherit my family traits. I love everything about her, whoever her features and traits come from.
This Sunday I will think back on the moment I became a mother, because it really was just a "moment." I didn't have the nine months to transition and prepare myself. Though I'd signed paperwork and passed inspections and "nested," nothing could have prepared me for that first meeting with Providence. Just 36 hours after even knowing she existed, I became her mom. I may not have the same story and experiences as my friends who gave birth to their own children, but I know I love my daughter more than life itself, and THAT is what being a mother is all about.
