The past revisted

Some time ago Zach received a friend request on Facebook from Katerina, the first birth mom we were ever matched with (August 2010). For those of you that may not remember, this was by far the closest relationship we had with any of the 7 birth mothers we were matched with (to read the details you can go back to some of our very first posts on this blog). She had not made any contact with us since she made the decision to keep her baby. We heard the news from our adoption agency, just a few short weeks before the baby's due date. It being our first match and first experience EVER with a birth mom, it would have been heartbreaking no matter what, but we'd had a close, ongoing relationship with Kat for over three months.  We went to doctor's visits, found her and her 2 yr. old a place to live, supported her financially, and spoke with her on the phone at least once a week. She never showed us any signs of wavering, so when we got the call we felt betrayed and stunned. We were angry that she didn't have the "decency" or "respect for us" to call us and tell us herself. (In hindsight, of course, we realize how selfish this was on our part. Had we been in her shoes, I seriously doubt we would have had the courage to call and break the hearts of the two people who loved our baby as much as we did.)

Obviously, we moved on and experienced many more disappointments after that, but the experience with Kat hurt the most. I still think about it sometimes, and my heart aches. In hindsight, we can look back and see how God used us to help Kat and her son get to a place that was safe, a place where she could keep her baby and provide for it in a loving home. Once, a few months after I knew Kat would have given birth, I searched for her on Facebook and found pictures of her new son.. what would have been OUR son. It hurt like hell and I scolded myself for giving in to such sick curiosity. But at the same time, I was also assured that the baby was safe, healthy, and even happy. Kat looked happy too, and that gave me what I needed to move on. 

The message she sent to Zach last week read like this: 

"Hey, I was scared to contact you guys. We are good. God is good Zach. I'm very sorry for every hurt I caused you. My boys are happy and a handful. I was on your Facebook couple times, I'm so glad you are happy. Life is good..."

It's weird to receive closure long after you feel like you even need it. For months I longed to hear exactly these words from Kat, an apology and a reassurance that she and her boys are okay. I think about her and the five other birth moms we met along our journey. I think about the babies they chose to keep, and pray they are all safe and healthy. I bet they think about us sometimes too. It's satisfying to know that Kat knows we are okay, that we moved on and have a beautiful daughter, that we are all with the children we are meant to be with, whether we understand why or not.