We received our first call this week. As soon as I heard Jen's voice on the other end, I thought "Oh God, here we go!" But then she asked if there was any chance we'd be interested in matching with a birth mom in Chicago, due with twin African-American boys, in just a couple months.
You might think the first clue we said "no" in that offer was the "twins" part, but believe it or not, we would have considered it... if the mom weren't all the way in Chicago. In truth, Jen knew what our answer would most likely be, but since twins, especially African-American twins, are very difficult to find parents for, she thought she'd give us a try. Our paperwork says we're only open to birth moms living in California, and I'm pretty sure we didn't check the box that said "twins" either, so we really shouldn't have been called in the first place. This only tells me they didn't have anyone else, and that made saying "no" really difficult.
It didn't even take us sixty seconds to decide. Having P.J makes out-of-state travel too difficult, since most states require a new baby to stay in state lines for at least 10 days. Staying in a hotel w/P.J for that long, or leaving her with someone back home for that long, just isn't an option. Not to mention the additional cost of traveling out-of-state and paying an outside agency to handle all the paperwork. We also know from experience, that turning a car around is far easier than taking a long flight home if things don't work out. But having never really set limitations on potential matches before, it still felt hard to say no. It was simple enough to tell Jen, "Chicago is a deal breaker," and she expected us to say as much. But after we hung up the phone we kept thinking about it.
Practically speaking, there's just no way we could take on twins before P.J even turns 2 yrs old, or risk flying to Chicago. We know without a doubt it was the right call. But turning down two precious children who need a home is never easy. I hope and pray those twin boys have a loving adoptive family to go home to, and I'm just a little sad it's not ours.
