We sat in bed, shocked and dumbfounded. Six days later we still can't believe this happened again. How much more can we possibly take? It feels like some kind of sick joke. We cried it out for as long as we could and then we abruptly decided to leave town. We simply couldn't stand the thought of sitting in our big empty house, filled with things to welcome baby, and absorbing the reality of it all. We immediately booked a flight to Disneyland and made hurried arrangements for our hotel, dog-sitting, etc. We threw things into a suitcase and hopped in the car- 2 hours later we were on a plane.
The next three days were spent fighting back tears, screaming and laughing on rides, and long talks over theme park treats. After that we stayed at Anne's parents' house for a night and went to Opening Weekend for the Oakland A's, a tradition we've had for years. It seemed the longer we stayed away from home, the easier it was to pretend nothing had happened. Even though it doesn't make sense, we actually felt by leaving town we'd put physical distance between ourselves and the pain, like it couldn't get to us if we weren't home. We dreaded coming back.
Our friend and faithful dog-sitter, Stefanie, was wonderfully thoughtful while we were away; we came home to find all the baby items we'd left out had been stowed out of sight. In their place were funny post-it notes, Starbucks giftcards, and a table full of candy ready to be consumed for a night in front of the tv. We were beyond grateful.
Now that we're home we are beginning the long and painful process of acceptance and grief. Unfortunately, it is a process we know all too well. We are extremely appreciative of all the cards, emails, text messages and voicemails we have received over the last week. In time we will respond back to each of you individually, but until then please know we have read and heard every word, and we are thankful for you.
