"During times of brokenness we realize that our ways, our plans and desires, aren't working. We tire of the struggle and eventually surrender our expectations to God. When we hand our lives back to God, he pours his desires into our hearts to accomplish his work, his way. We experience necessary losses, but they're not losses to fear. Surrender opens the door to a deeper walk with God and his unexpected surprises and blessings."
-Judith Couchman, The Shadow of His Hand
We have been matched with Felicia for just over two weeks, and while our first meeting with her went well, the relationship has gone downhill ever since. The day after meeting Felicia and her adoptive mom, Joyce, we began receiving phone calls and text messages from them both, claiming they needed money for everything from a rental home deposit to shampoo. We'd been told by our agency when matched that Felicia receives a significant amount of money from the government each month; she has more than enough to meet her needs. Our agency confirmed this for us again when we told them about Felicia's requests. Apparently she'd been "overspending" her monthly checks in expectation that our agency (and we) would give her additional assistance. Over the next few days Felicia continually ignored our agency's insistence that their policy is to provide assistance only when birth moms are 6 months or more along in their pregnancy. She also ignored their rule that she is not to contact us directly with any requests for money or assistance. Whenever she was told "no" by our agency, she called us instead, making her situation sound more desperate than before. She lied to us about several small matters, and she disrespected us and our agency by ignoring the boundaries that were set in place. It's been a frustrating experience for all involved.
Obviously we are just not comfortable giving Felicia any kind of financial help this early into our relationship with her, especially knowing that she doesn't really need help. She's made it clear that her focus in this adoption process is money, not the baby, and not building a relationship with us. She's very young and has been negatively influenced by her family members in her decision making. We are certain that both she and her family are unpredictable and untrustworthy. Frustrated by the lack of sympathy and financial help she was getting from us and our agency, Felicia called our agency today and said she wants out. We are not surprised. If she didn't walk out, we probably would have. It would have been a very long 5 more months.
Our contact at our agency, Jen, has been a treasure. She has fielded more than her fair share of phone calls from Felicia and she has been consistently honest and realistic with us as we made our decisions. If Felicia had not backed out, she would have encouraged us to. She's seen it all in her business and she knew this was a very risky situation. She assured me today that they are working VERY hard to find new matches for us. They've continued to send our profile books out even while were matched with Felicia so we have lost no time and for that we are grateful.
Zach and I are disappointed, but so far unemotional. We were relieved when we got rematched, but neither one of us felt totally comfortable with the situation. We were both very guarded and detached from the day we met her, and we believe the Lord was protecting us from having our hearts broken yet again. When things began to unravel, I didn't even feel surprised. It's like we just knew that this wasn't over for us, that there was still more to come, for better or worse.
I feel as if I was just beginning to sit up after being knocked down the first time. In a way, I'm grateful I'm still on the ground- less distance to fall this time. I'm thinking I should just set up camp down here, get comfortable because it might be a long stay.
